and a wife, a fighter and a broken heart....
My daughter Tamy, our pet Pink, moved from Brazil to the United State of America in 2003 when I got married to my husband Brian. My oldest son stayed in Brazil.
Moving to another country, with another language, different culture was a challenge that I was decided to face. Lots of new things to learn, friends to make, and my concerns was with my daughter Tamy who was only eleven years old at that time and knew nothing about the English Language. That concern after six months living in Springfield, IL was not a big deal anymore since Tamy was speaking fluent English and an Honor Roll student.
Time for me to focus on my career. In Brazil I had always owned my own business but, I thought that in America it would be very difficult for me to start a business since I was a foreigner. I worked for a couple of embroidery shops in town. In 2005, pregnant with my second daughter Isabella, who was born in February of 2006, I decided it was time to take a chance and start my own business. My main reason to work from home was the desire to be able to watch my youngest daughter grow up, be at home when she would come back from school, something that most mommies can’t have, I have never taken it for granted though. I decided I was going to take a leap of faith and start my own business.
I didn’t quit my job at the beginning, I kept working until I felt I was ready to jump in full time self-employed. At the beginning it was hard, I had a $15.000 embroidery machine in the basement of our home and not enough work. It didn’t take long and I was doing pretty well by myself. Business was doing well, life was pretty good, I worked hard, sometimes from 5:00 Am until 11:00 PM, but I have always been thankful for living in a Country where everything is possible IF, you decided you can do it.
June, 10th 2015, we were leaving to go visit our family in Brazil. A trip that I planned for an entire year. For the first time in four years I was having all my kids and family together. Lots of things were planned, trip, professional family portrait, etc. It was my only niece’s wedding party. Tamy and I would be bridesmaid, Isabella would be the flower girl. Tamy, worked for the Bank of Springfield, she decided that she was going to meet us in Brazil a week later. Everything was perfect until the day I decided to check on Facebook to see if Tamy was all packed for her trip and I was something I will never forget. A post that said “RIP TAMY” my entire world collapsed. I thought it was a bad joke from one of her friends but when I checked my inbox, I realized I was living a nightmare. My baby girl had been brutally murdered…
From that moment on, my life turned into a torment. Someone my daughter was dating for not long, strangled her. Took her away from us. All my excitement to see all my kids together, the good time I had planned for our family, everything was taken from me in a blink of an eye. Since that day, life has been a struggle. Many times I wake up in the middle of the night and I still have to check if it wasn’t a nightmare, I check her bedroom to see if she is sleeping.
A month after my daughter was murdered, I went through my second open heart surgery. The physical pain was nothing compared to the heartache. Seems like I have been numb, I dint have the desire for anything else, even knowing I still have two more kids to watch out to. My life became a question mark. All I could think is “what if I had done this?” “Or that”
I wake up and do my work because I am on automatic mode, I have to work, who is going to pay bills if I don’t do? I didn’t feel the joy I used to feel when coming to my embroidery room.
This week, I decided that Tamy, wouldn’t be happy to see me like this, she always loved my zest for life. I can’t let my business die, I have put so much effort into it.
I started working on my website and today, I think I have finished it. It is not a professionally done one but, it will serve its purpose.
I wanted to share a little bit of my story on my first post on this website. I know I should be talking about the embroidery work that I do but, I want you to know that behind this cold screen there a mother, who has lost one of her most precious jewel but instead of lying in bed all day crying, she is trying to get better, show the world what she does the best, her beautiful embroidery work.
I dont want nobody to feel sorry for me, I just wanted to share a chapter of my life....
We all have our stories, some happy, some not so happy but, if you want to share your story with me, I would be glad to read it. Sometimes, just the thought that we are not alone, that many parents have gone through what we have bee, it gives us the strength we need to never give up. For my daughter, who is an angel in heaven right now, I know I can do it. It hurts, I cry, I laugh, I get mad, but isn’t this what we call life?
Thank you for taking a little time to know what goes in the heart of this working mommy.
God bless your Family.